Sunday, March 8, 2009

Sock Contest Redux: Name that Dissertation

It's time once again, as it is every hundred posts or so, for me to spread the Hand-knit Sock Love around the world, and so opens my third Sock Contest. If you win, I will knit a pair of socks for you and you will be very very glad to own them.

The rules are a little different this time around, however. The last two contests were simple random drawings. This time, you must work a little for your hand-knits.


1. Please submit, in the comment section below, a title for my doctoral dissertation (which is, in case you're not sure, just a glorified academic paper that gets me a Ph.D if I manage to finish it). Dissertation titles, like most academic journal article titles, should ideally contain the following: a pithy set-up sentence, giving some general information, followed by a colon, followed by a pithy, more specific explanation, relating to the thesis or general topic area.

some examples are

"Graduate Students in Limbo: A Survey of Lackluster Excuses for Non-Completion of Dissertation"

"Holy Knockers: A Comparison of Cup Size in Urban and Rural Housewives"

"Uniform Fetish: The Demographics of Women Who Fantasize about Being Handcuffed, Batoned, and Roundly Kissed"

Some info to get you going on this: I've been working on this piece of shite half-heartedly for several years now, whining and worrying ceaselessly the entire time. My general topic area is rural police departments. The even broader field is Criminal Justice.

Your title doesn't need to follow the above format if it seems too complicated; one sentence will do. The title may reference Criminal Justice, police, my laziness, or all of the above.

Make me laugh if you can.

2. You have until the end of the day, Wednesday, March 11th.

3. Enter as many times as you like!

4. I will choose finalists, and you good folks will vote for your favorite.

5. I will then knit a pair of socks for the winner.

Don't be shy! I really hope to see some entries here!


hnter1018 said...

Barney Fife Police Departments: Why they really put the handcuffs of Aunt Bee

savannah said...

i must give this some thought...and some drinking will help, too. mimosas for brunch! xooxo

CyberPete said...

Academia schmacademia: the nuts of the police force.

Two years research: men in uniforms are hot.

Hi, by the way. I would do almost anything for a pair of hand knitted socks. You could probably bribe your way to The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Unholiest Housewife in Handcuffs: An Indepth Insight into Lust, Law, Leah, and Lusciousness.

Sarge's Scintillating Senorita:
A Harrowing Hiatus of a Hot Homicidal Hebrew Harlot.

Sarah said...

I'm going for a couple of options here....

The night the lights went out in Georgia: Keeping Law and Order in a Small Town

Protecting Rural Areas: Its more than just barroom brawls

I might be back with more depending on how creative I feel. ;)

MJ said...

Alan Rickman in Chains: The Woman who Turned that Jowly Frown Upside Down

Karen ^..^ said...

ooh, I want the socks, I want the socks!!!

I"ll have to come up with a good one. Shit. Pressure is never good for me.

I like Hunter's. Damn.

The interrelationship of crime through hobby: A study of murder by knitting needles.

Karen ^..^ said...

just so you know, I'll probably be thinking up more of these, just to increase my chances. Is that allowed?

KT said...

In case you're wondering, the structure of academic titles has been termed "titular colonicity" by the American Society for Information Science. Much fun to say! There are quite a few (fake) papers written about it, too. A fun google, if you're really desperate for ways to avoid your dissertation. :) KT (your scarf pal)

Jimmy Bastard said...

Sex With Jimmy Bastard: The Vagabond Within Me.

savannah said...

LOL! damn, i can't compete! xoxo

Leah said...

Oh my Gd you people are hilarious.

You may certainly enter as many times as you wish.

And actually, Sarah, you came up with a serious contender for the actual dissertation!

kylie said...


Anonymous said...

LOL, LOL, can't compete as LOL!

kylie said...

why blogging beats a doctorate: fetishism & solipsism

kylie said...

criminal justice: why blogging is more interesting

Karen ^..^ said...

How about this?

Strain Theory and geriatric Delinquency: The Applicability of a Theoretical Model Across Old Knudsen's poop fetish.

Karen ^..^ said...

Or this:

Dimensions of Housewifery: An Empirical Examination of Servant or Master's Characteristics

Anonymous said...

These colons are a nightmare for an old-school European librarian, you know these people from pre-digital stoneage.
Two years? Pff, daht's nothing ...

Tonight I'm with these:

"Strafjustiz auf dem Lande. Eine soziologische Untersuchung"

"Rural police departments and their heroic fight against crime"

"Protecting sheep. The criminal justice in Rural Police Departements"

"Haystacks and Heroin - the untold story"

"Delinquency on the countryside - we love it! A sociological enquette about criminal justice in certain Rural PDs"

"Canned meat. Volume One: How to come in"
"Canned meat. Volume Two: How to get out (probably alive)"
"Canned meat. Volume Three: The wardens view"

"Throw the Book! Criminal Justice on the Country side: Anspruch und Wirklichkeit"

"Gimme that fucking degree: I am worth it!"

"Bastard-hunting with Jack: The Daniel's family rides again"

By the way, you'd become a doctor iuris or a doctor philosophiae? It's a sociological work, yes? Did you do empirical studies, Feldforschung, or is it based on previous done research? I simply ask about your sources.

Megan said...

I will be thinking but Karen's are hilarious!

CyberPete said...

Boots and zoots: disciplinary actions in the holding cell

The ins and outs of police work: 101 baton uses

CyberPete said...

Hung jury: examining the members of the court system.

Skeeter said...

Hi Leah,

I'm from a small, rural town. Not much to the police force thee. There weren't many of 'em. They spent most of their time keeping an eye on "younguns and dogs at large". There were no donut stores in the county, so they would spend their time reading the county's only newspaper, a two sheet affair, that was published once a week. You had to learn to read it real slow.

Best wishes,


Leah said...


mago--doctor of philosophy, feldforschung really I suppose, my own interviews and observations...

Leah said...

Skeeter--the rural police officers job has to some extent changed in the last couple of decades, but a lot of the micro-departments are dying out and getting merged.

(Not-So) Cynical Gal said...

Small Town Police: Redefining Justice

Keep Thee out of Hooterville: Small Town Police Exposed

I don't know. Fun contest :)

just bob said...

The commerce of local law enforcement: How cops, coffee and Krispy Kreme will revive the U.S. economy.

Anonymous said...

"Batons and Clubs: Members only. American and Danish forces of Criminal Justice in close comparison"

Jimmy Bastard said...

Brooklyn Vice: Vivacious Vixen in Curious Clucking Cockfight.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Brooklyn Community Policing: Beating the Brash Brazen Bulvons.

Leah said...

Jimmy, you TOTALLY ROCK for working your Yiddish into the entry!!!! You are AWESOME!!!!!...Sorry, got a little excited there...

So far I am loving this contest.

Sarah said...

Who Shot the Sheriff: Rural Policing is more than just Coffee Shops and Donuts

Tipping Cows: Be careful where you step when visiting the countryside

Do I get a special entry if I actually name the paper? :)

hnter1018 said...

Rural Police Departments: Deliverance is not just for the movies.

Podunk Police Departments: We make mirrored sun glasses look good and sure got a purdy mouth.

Anonymous said...

The 'Hot Fuzz' Principle: is rural policing a law unto itself?

(you have to have seen the movie!)

Leah said...

Laughing my butt off, Hunter. Seriously.

All of you, you're hilarious.

Cinnamon--I LOVE that movie!!!!!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Haa! I have to hand it to you Leah, my luscious wee bubeleh, this post stimulates the oul grey cells.

It'll not be long before this Kolboynick will be schleping around in Glesga refreshed, renewed, and full of chutzpah.


padraig said...

Community Demographics, Cultural Norms, and Resulting Psychological Personae in Law Enforcement Personnel: Why Rural Cops Wear Mirrored Sunglasses.

Megan said...

These are KILLING me. Damn, Leah! What a great contest! I wish I had a brain!

Megan said...

P.S. - Does Jimmy have a crush on you or what? :)

Leah said...

Padraig--you made me laugh--It's like all thesis titles rolled into one!!!! Uber title!!!

Megan--well, I certainly have a schoolgirl crush on him, oh, sigh, that handsome strapping Glaswegian --hear that Jimmy Bastard?

Mrsupole said...

I too think I cannot compete, but am sending you an invitation for this friday. And I hope you will pass it on to the others here. I got a funny feeling they would enjoy this, and oh the stories they would post.


You're invited to please join us in the fun and post a real ghost story this Friday the 13th. Then post the title at Auntie's site at or Mrsupole's Place at to link up with others. We should have a spooky good time. Lets see who can out spook who.

The ghosts are gonna love this and so will you.

Please share this with as many ghost loving fans as you can.

Thank you,
Auntie and Mrsupole

Mr. Shife said...

Perspectives in the 21st century: Elevators smell different to midgets

CSI Seattle said...

Rural Law Enforcement: Where "Breathing My Air" is an arrestable offense.

Suzanne said...

Shit. No way I'll even bother!!! Everyone's too smart for me. One hell of a comment page. Even if I said "How can I win: Let me count the ways." I know I wouldn't. Honey, can I just buy a pair of socks? Cuz I'll never be able to yank um outta Jimmy paws. That man's too good.

Great post baby. Really.

The Drummer!!!! :)