Friday, July 31, 2009


I am drawn again and again to this theme, the antithesis to my thesis.  I am electrified by the idea that someone might control me (in bed, in life) through sheer force of a composure that I rarely feel; through their own restraint that I could only hope to mirror; even, dare I means of punishment, soberly applied.  I have no faith, however, in my own ability to regulate myself.

I have never yet been able to locate my own dispassion.

For truly I am not disciplined.  Whatever I've accomplished has been by haphazard inspiration or sudden whim.  My creative drive is scatterbrained, an emotional free-for-all, an anxious reckoning.   

My fantasies often conjure the man who would rein me in even if by force.  Who would govern, restrain, and control me where I was unable to do so myself.  Of course, in real life, what good and suitable, respectful and kind partner would ever impose his own super-ego on a woman he cared for?  

I know that, but still—

as I stare down an obstinate chapter of my book--


--Master, please help me find my discipline!

--only by my rules.

--yes, Master.

--there will be no 2 a.m. bowl of Rice Krispies.

--yes Master.

--the infernal crunching is distracting to us both.

--yes Master.

--you will sit here across from me, where I can watch you.


--you will work until I am satisfied with the result.


--or you shall taste the lash.




kylie said...

oh yeah!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Holy Christ.. someones hormones are revving up for a weekend of passion. Lucky Sarge!

savannah said...

i was so not prepared for this:

--there will be no 2 a.m. bowl of Rice Krispies.

*major LOL here*

mmmmmmm, cereal...


Suzanne said...

Baby, what the hell is Severus doing here!!!??? And I thought Cece had successfully hidden the whip in the ladies bathroom at The Wild Onion. Hummmmmmmm, what's up with that? You gave it back to him, didn't you? Hey missy, that was our only wall art! All I can say is you better get that spoon of RC out of your mouth and think of a way to "POOF" something back there before Cece discovers it missing in the morning or she'll be sitting in the chair across from you. Good luck!!! *Suze walks away shaking head.*

Whips...control...whips...oh good lord, and Kylie. Kylie, knock it off. You just encourage this sort of behavior.


Suzanne said...

You know what I just noticed young lady? Your link/blog to The Wild Onion is gone. I know you shuffle things around alot, but what's up with that? *Suze walks away shaking head.*


Anonymous said...

*Laughs out loud at Suze's comments*

Leah said...

Kylie--oh yeah.

Jimmy--between the frock coat and the lash I'd say, poor Sarge.

Sav--2 a.m. cereal is the Master's bete noire.

Suzy--Severus never goes anywhere without his whips. And the link to the Wild Onion is still there where it always is!

Cinnamon--Me too! Suzy has tolerated Severus for a long time now. The woman's a saint.

Baino said...

Well my sweet thang. That is the difference between fantasy and reality. Fantasise all you want but you know the minute Sarge says . ."In the kitchen biatch!" you'll be off like a shot!

Mrsupole said...

Rice Krispies....yummy...I need to have hubby buy some, then whip into a treat.

Okay, keeping short comment here...sigh.

God bless.

Leah said...

Baino--Both Sarge and the Potions Master are perfectly capable of making themselves a sandwich. Let's just hope they don't bump into each other while they're at it.

Mrsupole--I started thinking about Rice Krispie treats last night too! lol

mapstew said...


nick said...

Not my fantasy at all, that one. Firstly since my dad was a stern disciplinarian and I had quite enough of that. Secondly because I'm very good at self-discipline so need no help there. In fact my fantasy would be more on the lines of totally and recklessly letting go. Not something I'm good at.

Rice Krispies at 2 am eh? Now we know what a hopelessly ucontrolled, licentious woman you are....

Brian Miller said...

wow. two days in a row...cutting out the rice thats writing takes discipline epecially with those tough chapters.

Candie Bracci said...

Hum..just what kind of book is it that you're writing if I may ask?LOL:D

I plaid guilty to:not being disciplined,not wanting anyone to control me and my life!

We are alike Leah!

Hum..being controlled is ok some particular situations though.

Have a nice day!:)

Leah said...


Nick--well, yes, then I can see how that really wouldn't be too appealing. Anyway then, you yourself are the Master! It's funny how people can have too little or too much self-control, and how that would have an impact on their fantasies.

Brian--I don't know what's come over me! You're right, it takes discipline to bang through the hard parts. But sometimes if I just abandon it for awhile in chase of sillier pursuits, I come back less blocked.

Candie--the book is all about discipline. ; )

Yes, it isn't pleasant to be controlled except in a very narrow range of experience, and there it's perfectly good.

Cece said...

My husband has told me before that the only people that are attracted to me are either weird and need something....I think you fall into that weird catagory. But I like weirdo's afterall, I think I married one. LOL.

Anonymous said...

How's the lash tonight? You can recomend it?

bindhiya said...

Rice Krispies.. hmm i have to try them for Serene.. maybe that'll work..
♥ & ((hugs))

PI said...

Self discipline is the hardest.
Any twit can run around at the behest of some bully like Mr Darcy or Rochester or Rhett - who was in fact a rapist. But to be harsh, cruel and forceful with oneself- that takes real guts.


Leah said...

Cece--when you finally meet me in person, you will find that I am a very normal-seeming woman! All my seething strangenesses lie just beneath the surface; I let it all hang out here. xo

Mago--I cannot recommend the lash highly enough, especially excellent for forcing one to focus.

Bindi--Hedgehog will eat Rice Krispies no matter how picky she's feeling!

Pat--oh dear, I'd better start channeling my inner Potions Master...

Suzanne said...

Okay, just a few observations! What? I have to honey. I'm compelled!!!

1) Bindi's hilarious because she totally overlooks the bullshit! God I love that woman!

2) Cece didn't even realize the whip was missing from the bathroom wall at The Wild Onion because she rarely pees apparently. I'll paint something. YES!!! I'll f****** paint something. I'll paint a whip.

3) You are a nut and so are all your friends. No. I'm not taking it back. What? Leave me alone. Don't touch me. NO, DON'T GET NEAR ME!!! HEGGIE...SAVE AUNT SUZIE FROM MOMMY!!!

4) I'm here only by the grace of God and a 9 year old.

With love,
Saint Aunt Suzy

P.S. I was admiring your right side and realize you have 61 fans. Why don't they get their lazy asses off, well their lazy asses and comment. This isn't a freakin' candy shop! Yes, I did the math. 61+61=122. I expect more from bloggers. When I return tomorrow I expect my head to blow off. What Leah? This is how I think. Leave me alone. Don't touch me.


Suzanne said...

Okay, I'm sick of dicipline. I want to play the lying down game.

You bet your ass I'm laughing. You first. I'm almost laughing too hard to play. Baby, is that just too funny or what? Can you imagine all our friends!? HA! Baby who's gonna take my damn photo?



Suzanne said...

Oh, and XO

Karen ^..^ said...

Oh.... MY....

It just gets better and better, m'dear. Ah, that infernal crunching... Gets me in trouble every time. Why is it I fantasize about easily annoyed men?

Did you read old time Harlequin romances as a very young teen, too?

At least you keep it imaginary. I let the programming spill into real life, and have been divorced for nearly 11 years due to my error. I'm still trying to get "deprogrammed".

lettuce said...

hmmm now are there still hints of Harry Potter here....?

Leah said...

Suzy, now I'm just laughing--here "by the grace of god and a 9 year old"--

Don't worry, the lash is just between me and Severus. I wouldn't use it willy-nilly on friends...well, maybe on certain friends...but don't worry!

Karen--yes! I adore Mary Burchell. She was a brilliant romance writer from the '50s and '60s. "Easily annoyed men," hah! you summed it up so perfectly there...

Lettuce--most definitely. My fantasy Master is a combination of the Potions Master and every other strict disciplinarian, with a lash and a smoldering gaze, that I can think of.

Emerson Marks said...

Control you in bed? Oh, I say! Indeed I do think you need to be taken to task. For good or ill, young lady. If you should so want.

Leah said...

Emerson: or should I call you Sir?

Madame DeFarge said...

I'm rather assertive in real life, so always find it interesting when someone tries to take me on. I prefer a sparring partner to shadow boxing any time.

Leah said...

Mme--in truth, I'm an assertive girl too. Maybe why I like to take on the submissive role in my imagination. Sometimes it's tiring being so assertive all the time!