Monday, July 13, 2009

Scenes from Along the Road

A long day on the road.

We began with some bad coffee luck. I am a true coffee addict, and I must must I tell you have a strong cup of coffee. Let's just say that I tolerate a triple espresso quite well. You can imagine my chagrin when I ordered an iced coffee and was handed this atrocity:



(of course, you can also see that in my desperation for some caffeine, any caffeine at all, I actually drank some of it. Feh. If I'd wanted a glass of iced milk, I'd have ordered it).

We drove and drove, through Georgia and Alabama. Not quite as long as yesterday, but still we are all exhausted.

We ended up in a long-haul truckers' rest stop--the sort of place that provides showers for the truckers and sells everything from beef jerky to tube socks to pillows to caffeine pills. (It was quite fun to browse the odd selection, and we even found a color-by-numbers velvet picture for Hedgehog. She completed this baroque masterpiece on the way to Mississippi) In the ladies' rest room, I came face to face with this machine--very convenient indeed, no?--does it say something about the truckers' diversions?





The third slot of said machine boasted "a variety of 6 different sensual items to create your fantasy," and of course I began guessing: a little feather? a duct tape sample? I couldn't resist making the purchase--and here's what they had to offer:



A little disappointing, but still, drive her wild with pleasure--do you think it can cash that check? Would you trust anything you'd procured in a truck stop bathroom?

29 comments:

Mr London Street said...

I think you'd probably have more joy with the duct tape.

PI said...

Just so long as the loos are clean:)

Cinnamon said...

In the absence of triple espresso,did you resort to the caffeine pills?

LOL- funny post!-Could be a good series...Rest Rooms of the South?

Abi said...

Hehehe!! Are you going to write a product review :o

My kids love those velvet pictures... they never stick to the numbers though... I hope Hedgie moaned less :)

I bet that iced coffee would have been too strong for me!

Emerson Marks said...

This trips sounds great. What's on the stereo today then?

Jimmy Bastard said...

....and did it tingle?

Candie Bracci said...

That is NOT a coffee!!!

The answer to the last question is NO!

Hope the rest of the trip will be more pleasant!

savannah said...

iced coffee at krispy kreme, sugar? nevernevernever! xoxoxo (i have to tell you, your coffee dreams will be completely satisfied once you reach the great state of looisanna!)

Brian Miller said...

ha. too much. truck stops were pretty amazing as a kid. so much stuff to look at. anywhere that would sell beef jerky and tube socks ont eh same aisle though...creepy. lol. hope you find some good coffee soon!

Megan said...

I wouldn't have been able to resist, either! That's hilarious. And no, I would not trust it!

MJ said...

"Rough Rider" with "rubber studs"...

Now that's some heavy duty traction!

Ronda Laveen said...

One of my friends told me just yesterday how she enjoys the "clean, pure high of espresso to regular coffe. I think I need to give it a go.

I'm wondering what the bikini condom is like. I really don't think I would trust just a cap over the ol' mushroom head.

Happy trails.

merelyme said...

Americano all the way!
It is very sensual and fulfills my fantasy - especially if you get it and get sip the crema off the top!!!!!! Oh my! I think I might be going over the edge just thinking of it...

Mr. Shife said...

I don't know if you have heard of this term - lot lizards. But they are ladies that hang out at truck stops to pleasure the truckers. And from what I have heard they are not the greatest looking ladies. Anyway just thought you might like that useless information if you didn't already have it so you and the hubby can people watch while you are on vacation and maybe hit another truck stop.

Madame DeFarge said...

Is that like putting your phone on vibrate?

Baino said...

Haha . .classic! Condoms in the ladies loo or was it a unisex toilet? And there was I expecting fabulous scenery and expansive highways. Yer a laff a minit! Hey, put it in your purse until you get home and give us a review!

Mike129 said...

Ha! That's great!

Now *I* would not trust anything out of that there machine, but since you spent your hard-earned money, I think you must give the resultant product a test drive and report back.

mapstew said...

Coffee me arse!

Can't be doin' with bad coffee me.

Has to be espresso or americano!

Herself brings a delicious strong mug to the waking Map every morning!

Leah said...

Mr London Street--welcome to my neighborhood! I agree with you completely about the duct tape...

Pat--they were surprisingly clean for such a dubious scene!

Cinnamon--caffeine pills! I totally didn't think of it...as for the series, I must say that I'm trying to block out many of the bathrooms I experienced...

Abi--amazingly enough, Hedgie actually didn't complain at all--we're talking not a whine or cry for the entire 30 hours thus far, except when she was making her blog post, and she dictated her complaints to me. I'm telling you, that kid is a trooper. I didn't act as well as she did!

EM--lots of local country music radio stations, the Hair Soundtrack, the White Stripes, and the Reverend Al Green. Oh, and some opera thrown in for good measure.

Jimmy--I'll have to get back to you on that one...

Candie--I agree! That is absolutely NOT a cup of coffee!!!

savannah--I know, what on earth could we have been thinking? But Hedgehog did get a delicious cream-filled donut, so at least one of us was delighted!

Brian--I know! Aren't those truck stop plazas the best? I agree though...creepy.

Megan--I'm glad to know that you too would have put the quarters in the dirty business machine!!!

MJ--ha! I just knew that you would embiggen that picture!

Ronda--dear girl, yes, espresso is marvelous, just marvelous. It's one of my greatest happinesses. And the bikini condoms? Yup, really troubling.

merelyme--a fellow coffee lover! You know what I mean then, don't you? That iced coffee was a disgrace.

Mr Shife!--lot lizards! I'd never heard that. I'm not one little bit surprised though. Thanks for the education!

Mme DeF--oh dear. Probably.

Baino--I will definitely update on the Tingler. Although I doubt Sarge will oblige--especially if he knows I'm going to blog about it!

Mike--I know, 4 quarters to satisfy my curiousity. I must do something with it, but what?

map!--you are so lucky that you get a cup of coffee in bed! I've been begging Sarge for years...he doesn't drink coffee and doesn't even know how to use the machine!

The Idle Devil said...

Tingler Ring! Maybe I wouldnt trust stuff procured in a truck stop bathroom...

nick said...

I wouldn't trust anything from a truckers' bathroom either. They've given me a few ideas though! And lot lizards? - there must be an awful lot of frustrated truckers who can't wait for their home comforts....

books,coffee,etc.... said...

Hi! Leah,
What a very "vivid" description of your travels...It is almost like I can see it in my minds-eye!
By the way, during my travels, I have never stopped at a truckstop
bathroom. I usually use the restroom(s) inside restaurants.

Take care!
DeeDee ;-D

mago said...

This coffee ... truckers seemingly are blue ... maybe there's a connection.
I hope you have a nice and safe trip.

Suzanne said...

Nice nails.

Of course I'm here. You're killing me you know. Damn woman. And why are you spending hard earned money on stupid stuff? That could have fed 5 feral kitties for 3 days. And did it really make a difference? No!!! See Leah, that's why we fight about stupid shit.

It's almost feels as if I have six sisters rather than five. Oh good Lord. (And the sixth is the biggest pain in the ass I know.)

Don't ever delete something to me again. If you're going to write it, at least let me read it before you delete it. How rude!!! You're lucky you're in the south. Otherwise I'd kick your ass. Well, not really. I'm a pacifist, but it sure is fun to write!!!

Leah, I love you very much and hope you're having fun. Sorry about the wee bit of stupid "over there." And baby, thanks for protecting me against your wrath. I know that's what you were doing. I love you so.

Happy travels,
XO

P.S. I'm about to post and have something so special for Hedgie I bought about 5 days ago. It's so precious. I'm tempted to keep it, but that would be selfish because I saw it and thought of Hedgie, not me. You are not allowed to covett. I'm not kidding. When I post Hedgie is not allowed to look. It's going to be a surprise. When you return to NY the package should be waiting. (With a wee bit of luck. You know me and mail!)

Safe, beautiful trip,
Moi

Old Knudsen said...

I was in a stall in a truck stop bathroom and firstly there was no bath!

I was listening to me walkerman as I dumped and I was tapping me feet the next thing I knew 5 erect willies were shoved through holes in the wall, luckily I had me David bowie knife.

Leah said...

Old K!!!!!--I thought that was you...

Leah said...

Devil--definitely not to be trusted...

nick--I think you're right--the truckers are both frustrated and hopped up. However, if any truckers happen to stop by here and read this, I mean no offense...

mago--they're blue too--in both senses of the word, perhaps.

Suzy--No harm done--disagreements are the stuff of life. The truth is, I don't disagree with the general principals--only with the specific approach, and not even strongly at that.

Suzanne said...

I love you. Thank you. I'll change my approach. Well, I can't because I don't remember what I said because I deleted in solidarity, but I'll try.

I'm only almost 50. There's still time to change. Thanks!

XO

muralimanohar said...

My family drove cross country one way when I was nine, and the other way when I was 15...I've seen a lot of trucker bathrooms. Sadly for my sheltered (NOT!) little self, I saw a lot of those machines, too. I wonder about my mother sometimes.

And I refuse to buy coffee from ANYWHERE that isn't specifically set up JUST TO SELL COFFEE (cafes are obviously included in that statement.) If any other product is their primary goal, I refuse. The swill they serve is enough to curdle the stomach.