Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Fool's Errand




I spent the last two days, with a revolting head cold, running the car, my daughter, dog, and sissy upstate (five hour drive there and back). Why? To protect the dignity of certain dear mothers and step-dads, I can't be more specific than to say that someone forgot their license and registration and thus it had to be messengered up there. Again you might ask, why? The concise answer is that we're just not the sort of family to take risks of any sort, and that would include driving without a license in hand. Call us nerds, but there you have it.

My folks are usually quite responsible people. I on the other hand lose things. Major things. All the f!@#$ing time. Credit cards. Bank cards. Cell phones. Digital cameras. Car keys. House keys. Tuition statements. Cordless phones. Address books. Eyeglasses. Graduate school i.d. Zoo parking passes. Crochet hooks. Sarge's keys. Cash. Dog leashes. Borrowed earrings. Ech, I guess payback's a bitch.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Benny and Moses



Meet my great-grandpas.  If you look carefully, you can see their cigarette smoke curling in the background.  I think candid shots like this one were fairly rare for the era, and I'm so glad someone had the foresight to take this.  The taker was probably my grandfather, which is actually somewhat surprising.  He was a skilled legal photographer who, when doing the occasional portrait, which he did, liked his subjects to be highly controlled and posed.  Maybe he saw something at this luncheon that he wanted to preserve just as it was at that moment--the light? The camaraderie? The leavings of a really good meal? 

Friday, May 23, 2008

Thank You Note?



Oh, Hedgehog. Directly to the point.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Steampunk Skyline



As we've ascertained, I have a certain weakness for the, well, let's just resolve to call him the Byronic Hero for the sake of argument.  I also adore all themes of gloom,  the supernatural, the sunless and Stygian...when I looked at this picture, taken yesterday on a drive through the rainy city, I had a sudden revelation that maybe my aesthetic, as I myself,  was born here in NYC. These moody buildings, they're so tall, so menacing.  Just look at those birds, wheeling upwards as if they're afraid of something.  

And before I leave you with this rather bleak image, I must mention my new favorite book, "The Difference Engine," by William Gibson and Bruce Sterling.  It's now my secular bible.

Is Theodor Herzl the New Severus Snape?*




Look at that spooky, surly, maladjusted man.  An enormously significant historical figure whose private life, as I am not at all surprised to learn, was completely ravaged: an apparent mother-fixation and a failed marriage which produced three children and one grandchild, all of whom went mad and/or killed themselves.  But those hooded eyes, that beard.  He's just dead sexy, is what he is.

J.K. Rowling said "girls, stop going for the bad guy.  Go for a nice man in the first place."   This in response to fans professing their love for Snape and Draco Malfoy...what's a "nice man," anyway? And if he did exist, who could stand him and his intolerably cheerful and optimistic ways? 

There are problems with the bad boy beyond the obvious, however.  I've been fond of a number of them (and I mean in real life, not just in my overactive Potions-addled imagination).  And I can tell you that, to my chagrin, once you get to know them, you find most often that they're quite childish, and in the end, what could be less appealing than a petulant bad boy? Now when you meet that rare delight, one who's also mature and serious, well, that could be a fatal attraction...

So now that I've made the acquaintance of Mr. Herzl, which will be the object of my false affections? Two bad boys: one, a dead fictional character, the other a dead historical figure.  Both intense, brooding, and apparently morally conflicted (my favorite attribute), serious, and single-minded (always a challenge). Hmmm...


*...or, When a Post a Day Becomes Untenable...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Unfaithful

"New York Magazine" this week ran the results of a survey on the sex lives of New Yorkers. I always enjoy hearing what other people are getting up to and seeing how I compare. Most of what they reported wasn't very surprising: lots of people cheat; men think they have more sex per month than they really do, when you compare what they report with what their wives report; most men have been to a strip club. Eh, yawn.

But some of the findings gave me pause. For instance,

1. men reported having had way more sex partners than women (male average: 35, female average: 6). Is someone lying? Or are all the ladies Mary Sues and the gents cheap lotharios?

2. When asked "what constitutes cheating?" more people thought "online flirting" was cheating than thought "in person flirting" was cheating. Is that because online flirting is committed more purposefully--in writing? Does that make it somehow premeditated? In person flirting is just a casual everyday occurrence? And I wonder how they defined "online flirting." We all know what people get up to in the comment sections of blogs, so Lord knows what goes on in private emails. An affair of letters was once considered potentially fire behind the smoke. Somehow the internet doesn't seem as fraught, but then again, I could be totally wrong. Maybe I'm behind the times, haha.

3. 23% surveyed said that "fantasizing about sex with someone else" constitutes cheating. REALLY?!? I think that's a bunch of b.s. Let's go at it from a law perspective. To commit a crime, in general, you need all its elements: the mens rea (the intention or knowledge of wrongdoing) AND the actus reus (the actual guilty act). In this case, there's really no actus reus, is there. No. I was shocked to find that so many would consider that cheating...

and then, on a related note, what about non-consensual role-playing, like if you use abject flattery to trick your husband, who's really an amazing mimic, into talking to you in his best sexy sardonic Alan-Rickman-as-Snape voice, until he gives you a sudden sharp look of comprehension and then clams up, and won't talk to you for awhile even in his own voice? I mean, he cottoned on to you before any real damage was done right? That's not cheating, is it?

Monday, May 19, 2008

Anxious



A Post a Day is quite a challenge.  And tonight I'm especially compromised, plagued with the anxiety that strikes sometimes without warning and can be debilitating.  Well, I've been anxious since I was a very little girl, and I'm used to it by now.  I don't enjoy it, though.

So I'm posting a quick one to boost my spirits, a picture I took recently of my favorite things--a big, cheery mug of coffee and the beginnings of a knitting project.  

Deep breath, exhale...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Girl Talk

Hedgehog has a crush. In fact, she tells me, a whole group of her girlfriends are having crushes, passing them around from child to child like a bad head cold. They’ve been confiding in each other, and she in turn confided in me. “Mama,” she said wistfully. “You have no idea how strong my feelings for him are.”




Well, I did have some idea. After all, there were signs: the constant chatter peppered liberally with his name, the singing aloud to “Son of a Preacher Man” over and over in her room.



I know she is only seven, but it really seems to come from the heart. After all, Sarge and I are not the sort of parents who tease inappropriately, “oh, is he your boyfriend?” at the first mention of a boy. We both abhor the use of that sort of suggestiveness, and presumption, with children. So she didn’t get the idea from us.



I wonder, though, if it’s genetic or something. I’ve always been boy-crazy. My first crush was in first grade, too, a desperate, inchoate love for my teacher, Matt. He had curly black hair and a fulsome ‘stache (hey, it was the 70s). He was a fellow grad student of my mom’s at Columbia University, so I got to see him once in awhile in civilian life, and what a thrill that was. His only rivals for my affection, and they did run a close second and third, were Kirk and Spock. Since those tender years, it’s been a steady stream of crushes, boys (and an occasional girl), then men, one after the other, ending with Sarge. Luckily, that crush has lasted…

Anyway, I wasn’t surprised to hear about the crush. I told her about “girl talk,” how much girls and ladies like to be together and share things that are on their minds, and that you could have girl talk with your friends and also sometimes with your mama. She seemed to like that, and she said, “mama, sometimes I would like to tell you things.” I knew what she meant, and I was very glad to hear her say it. I’m learning already that it’s better sometimes not to prompt with questions, but I figure it won’t hurt to remind her once in awhile that the lines of “girl talk” are open if she wishes.

And by the way, that's a hairpiece--a Hannah Montana hairpiece. We discovered it on a shopping trip, and both honed in on its gleaming glory as if of one accord--Hedgehog begged for it (although she hastened to remind me that she "hates Hannah Montana"--good girl) and I decided one is never too early to discover the great joys of a "switch." She proceeded to wear it all over the North Country--running around in the woods, picking wildflowers, tripping and falling into the icy lake water...where else, after all, does one wear a switch?

Ah, girlhood.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Enchanted Lake House

In the Adirondacks, another season has begun for us.  It's so good to see the familiar trees and paths again


the stone chimney


the birch house overlooking our lake


and the old stone staircase that seems as if it grew out of the ground (you'll fall on your ass going down, but it's so worth it)


clouds over the water ("chiaroscuro" has become a cliche in our family)



Hedgehog, who wanted to "set something loose," launching her plastic boat with a dandelion for a figurehead



And my mom's house, an ongoing work-in-progress, an art project, all its many corners filled with odd tableaux, remnants of all the childhoods, and all the other houses and lives, geegaws and doodads precious and irrelevant, one still life or a hundred.  Hedgehog wandered in fascination through the rooms; a winter away made her forget the place, and she was amazed once again at the treasures everywhere






When the lid came off this hatbox, there was a faint breath of perfume stirring from the fancy feathers








Hedgehog played an impromptu.  "What do you think this piece is called, Mama?" "I couldn't guess." "Deer and elm!"



At the end of an afternoon, these swings are the best place to be