So when can I reassert myself as empress of this wretched piece of the earth? When do I regain status as Lady, or is that Grand High Inquisitor, or just simply Butler...whatever, I miss it and the limited control that came with the role. I've absolutely hated giving over this control to other people--most notably my darling mother, who has been an absolute Saint of Helpfulness. Even with her kindness, it's been hard. I am used to being in charge of things (as I bet a lot of you are too in your own lives). I'm trying to see it as an exercise in letting go, these weeks of lying on the couch coughing weakly like a Victorian consumptive. But it's had another downside, which is that I've really missed E. and A. I have seriously been beyond communication for a lot of the time--I mean just totally out of it, first feverish, then stricken by excruciating sinuses--and E. just flutters around me, but I'm used to really being with her and with A. I cannot wait to be back to myself.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
F.U.B.A.R. (or, No Cheery Thoughts Today)
Yes, it's truly f-ed up over here in Plagueville. I'm still sick, but praying the amoxicillin will kick in soon and do its missionary work. Two weeks is a long time to be out of commission, and the toll is taken on this family. A. looked at E. the other day and commented that between her long, raspy, over-grown fingernails and her matted hair, she looked like someone's neglected pet ferret. I hastily directed him to the hairbrush and nail clippers, but she still has a slight look of unkempt varmint. I now know definitively that I bring a certain je ne sais quoi pas to this household that no one else can. Without me, we're just a little dustier, a little less well-nourished, and I must say, it's a comforting revelation.