Thursday, October 15, 2009

The. Horror.




I have just sacrificed my darling family to the Gods of Radio City. Sarge will be crushed between the iron thighs of the Rockettes. Hedgie will be paralyzed by the flashing lights. And my mother-in-law, whose idea this was, will delight in everyone's misery.

Everyone's misery but mine, that is. I was in charge of procuring the tickets this morning. How many tickets do you think I purchased? Four, as I was supposed to? No. I purchased three. The MIL doesn't know it yet, but I am not going, and that is now a fait accompli.

I'm posting this in my series of things that make me happy, because not going to the Christmas Spectacular makes me happy, so happy. But more than that, the idea of the Christmas Spectacular, to which I am not going, fills me with a weird cheer. As long as I don't have to be in the audience, the thought of all that utterly insane, over-the-top faux Christmas coming at you like a bad acid trip is funny! Even more, the thought of Sarge, dignified, masterful Sarge, sitting third row center, gritting his teeth, gripping the seat, and praying for Death's sweet release, well, that's funny too!

I'm so sorry, Sarge. You know how much I love you. I would do anything for you. Anything in the world, that is, but take your seat at the Christmas Spectacular.

Let's just call it my own special form of psychological bondage and discipline.

I know I'll be paying eventually, but oh is it worth it.

32 comments:

mago said...

Yer an anarchist!


:)

subtorp77 said...

That's some heavy rope there, kiddo! I did go to see the Nutcracker once...but just once. First and only time I'd been to Radio City. Wish the bus would've come later( we just couldn't get in much shopping )...

Hunter said...

That is simply fantastic. Good for you, Leah.

Leah said...

mago: Yes, I do believe sheer anarchy is the only way to go when confronted with this sort of thing!

subby: you made me laugh--"that's some heavy rope" indeed, you're a wit. I was actually hoping Hedgie could go to the NYC Ballet Nutcracker this year, it is quite lovely in its way...and yeah, the worst part of the Spectacular is its seemingly interminable length!!!

Hunter: I know, I totally rock! I'm not usually so assertive in these situations. Well, if you can call doing something in secret and then letting the chips fall where they may, assertive...

subtorp77 said...

Leah, I'll take the ballet any day o'er the extravaganza! ANY ballet, heh, heh...

MJ said...

We have a device we like to call the Nutcracker down in the oubliette.

Brian Miller said...

it is almost that time of year when we open the closet and all the nutcrackers march into the house to hold me hostage. guess that is what happens when you marry a balerina.

nick said...

Wot, you wouldn't enjoy all those gals with their painted-on smiles, antler hats and glistening thighs? What are you, some kind of discerning, intelligent adult?

Jimmy Bastard said...

Oh you wicked, but very clever girl!

willow said...

A big, big (((YUCK))) !!

Intelligent move.

Megan said...

Made me laugh out loud!

savannah said...

you lucky, lucky girl! i swear, sugar, i have to deal with the holiday and miss daisy without the MITM here! *sigh* xoxoxo

Candie Bracci said...

LOL I completely understand your point of view!

Tom said...

ugh. you're brilliant

kylie said...

i was thinking it sounds quite passive aggressive to me.........


thats not to say i dont get it or support it or do stuff like that

Leah said...

MJ: ah yes, the nutcracker. Always useful.

Brian: hah! That's awesome. I don't really mind nutcrackers, as long as they're not life-size...

nick: glistening thighs?! When you put it like that, suddenly it sounds appealing...

Jimmy: wicked and clever! I rather like that.

Willow: "yuck" captures it rather succinctly, I must say, doesn't it.

Megan: me too, as I rubbed my hands together evilly!

savannah: no! That is simply asking too much of you!!!

Candie: the Spectacular simply cannot be born!

Tom: brilliant! Thanks! I'll add that to wicked and clever...

Kylie: Passive-aggressive!!!! Well!!!! Humph and harrrrrrrrumph. That's not my style, never has been. With me and Sarge, it's all above-board.

Too Little Time said...

Kudos to you in the ongoing MIL adventure :)

Karen ^..^ said...

Um... First of all, this "gift" is in direct violation of your six month abstinence from shopping.

You'd most assuredly have to go out and purchase an incredibly tacky dress for such an event, and since you are on this respite from shopping? Uh, sorry, no can do. And you can't very well go to the Radio City Music Hall NAKED in the middle of winter, now can you? Of course not.

Sarge and Hedgie will simply have a marvelous time, bonding.

Is Christmas shopping permitted during your "no shopping" experiment? I never even thought of that when you first mentioned it.

I'm here to keep you strictly in line.

Don't mention it. ;)

If the MIL has anything to say about it, simply direct her to me.

That is all.

Leah said...

Karen, I knew I could count on you to get my back on this one!!!

xo

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Don't be such a drip! Lighten up! Every year that show gets a great write-up in all the papers. How bad can it be? It's part of the city and I think you should shed your inhibitions and go. Although, it's not cheap!

Leah said...

I don't think it's inhibitions stopping me...

I'm afraid it'll reactivate my flashbacks.

And oh yes, it can be bad. I have it on very very good authority, from people I trust. I mean, I'm game for all manner of NYC experiences, the good, the bad, the tacky, the ugly...but just not this one.

And yeah, damn straight it's not cheap. 90 bucks for "premium seats"!!!! Mother f-ers.

Leah said...

HO-ly crap. I just went and skimmed a NY Times review of last year's show. It gave it a rave. I think my mind is now well and truly blown.

Leah said...

Phew. Sarge just deconstructed that review for me. Now I feel much better.

Leah said...

Anyway, I'm Jewish.

INNER VOICES said...

heh heh... *loves this post*


do go see "wicked" if you already havent...

mago said...

"Jesus loves you too ..."

:))

Marianna said...

Hey Leah!

It is so nice to read your posts again! What did I miss? It feels good to be back :)

xoxo

nick said...

"It'll reactivate my flashbacks"? What can she mean?

otin said...

I hate doing anything anymore involving a crowd. My living room is a wonderful place!

Leah said...

IV: I haven't seen it--but perhaps I will now! It's been ages since I went to a major show--the last one was "Spamalot," which was awesome.

mago: oh, yes, Jesus and I have quite a history!

Marianna: it's so lovely to see you! I'm glad you're back.

nick: combat flashbacks? well, of a sort...

otin: more and more I know what you mean.

Megan said...

Um, yes, see Wicked.

That is all.

Jennifer said...

I'm not so Jewish and the idea of spending an afternoon crushed between the iron thighs of the Rockettes (!) sounds like hell to me. But it made for a very funny post!