Monday, January 17, 2011

Missing Still



My dad died six years ago. I don't think about him very often because when I do I can hardly stand the feelings.

Dad was a complicated person. Not always nice, and sometimes even cruel. Even a little bit scary. But also:

Loving. A wonderful person to talk to about books and about problems.

Charismatic. His light shone on everything around him. He was brilliant. He knew things, and he knew how to think about things. He understood jokes. He understood me.

He never laughed at me, not even when I was at my most puerile. He made me feel as if I was a force to be reckoned with, even when I was young and stupid. He loved me for my writing, my conversation, my poetry, my soul, my spirit. His eyes told me I was a worthy friend.


When he hugged me close his big red beard tickled my cheek.





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22 comments:

Brandy Rose said...

Its great that you have those memories of him :)

savannah said...

xoxox for you, leah. this was beautiful.

Ponita in Real Life said...

Lovely memories, Leah. xoxoxo

Tess Kincaid said...

Such wonderful memories. I'm so envious. (Thinking of you today.) x

Leah said...

Thank you so very much, ladies.

Bth said...

Such feeling, I wanted you to tell me even more about him. This was lovely.

Leah said...

Bth--thank you for your sweet comment! I'm going to write more about him. He was an interesting man, even objectively...

LadyCat said...

I'm sending warm thought your way today. I love that 'His light shone on everything around him'. People like that are so nice to be around. And I think he is still around you shining his light : )

corticoWhat said...

I think it is safe to say, at some point, we all feared our Dads. Only some of us reach the point you have.
No words I ever heard meant more to me than, "I'm proud of you son."

Brian Miller said...

tears...he sounds like a wonderful man...

L. D. Burgus said...

The bad and the good and the love. Life's turns causes so many behaviors that we don't understand. I have a couple of people that I try so hard to remember the good and forgiving the bad is a little easier.

Betsy said...

What lovely memories. I like complicated. :)

C.M. Jackson said...

sweet memories--he is with you always

Liza Ursu said...

Leah, this post touched me deeply.
Thank you for that.

Pat said...

Sounds like a pretty first -rate Dad to me. You were lucky.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Is that you in the photo? Quite a looker. A beautiful babe.

Scarlet Blue said...

*Hugs*
Sx

MJ said...

I don't have one single memory of my father.

Cherish yours.

Tracey said...

My father has a red scratchy beard.

I'm glad you have been able to move past the cruel parts.

Nana Jo said...

I envy you your relationship with your father. I love how you write about him with such authenticity, including the complex and the not understood. He sounds like a marvelous man.

Princess said...

not a day goes by that i am not reminded of mine.
You write so elloquently of yours... thank you...

Baino said...

I know the feeling although my Dad was different but stll I miss him. He died 7 years ago hard to believe. Miss him much.