Friday, August 22, 2008

I'm a F!@#$king A!@#$hole...

Well, I had a slow oil leak in my darling Grand Marquis, which has served me both well and ill over the years.  I knew about it, knew I was supposed to check the oil every second till I could get it in to the shop, knew I was supposed to carry oil in my trunk just in case.  So what do I do? I check it desultorily on Sunday, then proceed to drive hundreds of miles without a second glance.  On my way to drive Hedgie to her day camp today, the car starts going barunkety barunkety barunkety and errrrgh errrgh aroog.  I turn it around and creep back home to the cabin, where it slimpses down to a slow finish right blocking the driveway.  

What happened? Of course, oil is bone dry.  Car is furious.  Sarge is beside himself.  I am hating myself.  I am a lame lame woman, just like the stereotype of the foolish female driver.  I'm in town, lurking with my oil containers, sooo unwilling to go back home again.  Sarge managed to start it up again with a few quarts of mixed oil, but as you all know, one cannot drive a car on no oil without damaging it, oh, just a wee wee tad.  I could just cry, but I know I must man up and face the music.  So folks, back home to face the hell I have wrought, call the tow truck, and spend a gazillion dollars to fix what is now hideously broken.

Once again, I could just kick my own damn ass, that is if I practiced yoga.  Too bad I didn't have that foresight either...

11 comments:

MJ said...

Howz about trying one of these ass-kicking machines?

Lisa said...

Cannot cast stones....I hate car care with a passion. It is one of those things that I know I want someone else to rescue me from. Chin up, it will get better

INNER VOICES said...

tsk. tsk. tsk.... ouch... hopefully its going to be only a set of main bearings and conectiong rod bearings... if you get into hydraulic lifters and the like... oooo....

Suzanne said...

Here honey, turn around I'll do the honors. Now here, I'll turn around and you do the honors. Fortunately for me your kick shouldn't hurt as bad because I didn't kill the car, HOWEVER I'll tell you a funny story.

About three weeks ago the oil light came on. I told Rob. He said "Oh don't worry, it has plenty of oil. The Mercedes is just like the BMW, the light alerts you it's low ~ we have weeks. I'll put some in tomorrow." I didn't agree, and said I wanted to check. I didn't know how to open the hood, so he explained over the phone. "Pull the lever inside the car, that will cause a device to pop out of the grill, pull on it and lift." It was very James Bondish and cool!!! It was also very dark and I was trying to find the dip stick with an itty bitty flashlight. I couldn't locate the damn thing for the life of me. I gave up. Rob said again, "Don't worry." I drove to the park and back the next day with the orange light glowing. I reminded him again. Same response. The next morning, running late for the park I knew I had to have the oil checked no matter what, so stopped at the gas station on the way. The mechanics are all Indian (from India) and are so terrific and when we lifted the hood and I finally found the dip stick, I couldn't believe it was right there!!! And then the big reveal. Not a drop of oil. The mechanic looked at me and said "Vedy, vedy bad." I hung my head in shame and whispered "I know." It took three quarts of oil. I was reminded to never make the same mistake. I promised I wouldn't. Then I called Rob to inform him "THE MERCEDES IS NOT THE FUCKING BMW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fast forward two weeks. Another light comes on while driving to the park. On the way back I stop in to ask my Indian friends what the light means because the icon is a tad confusing. I assumed it was coolant. It was. My friend look in the tank and said "Vedy, vedy bad...none." Goes inside, gets some coolant and the car takes over half a gallon. Asks me if I just want to pay for half a gallon or buy the whole thing. I felt obligated to buy the whole thing. With tax, almost $14.00. Called to inform Rob he'd failed in the coolant department as well and he had the audacity to say "YOU PAID ALMOST $14 FOR A FUCKING BOTTLE OF COOLANT? THAT DOESN'T COST MORE THAN $4!!!" I informed him I wasn't aware of that and frankly I didn't give a damn. My Indian friends were saving my ass left and right. Then I informed him I also tipped!!! Click. Hey, not funny.

Good luck sweetie!

XO Suze ;)

Leah said...

MJ--thanks, I really need one of those at my house. It would get a lot of use.

Hi Lisa! Thanks for your nice comment down below too. You know, I learned how to change a tire myself, but then my friend commented that that is the sort of task one should pass off to someone else...

Hey Z--ouch for sure. I'm a' prayin'...

Suzanne!!! Yes, for sure we must pay attention to these things before the barunkety barunkety sound!!!! And actually, I'm usually pretty good about keeping on top of things with the car, so this incident was especially galling...and yes, sometimes you have absolutely no choice but to throw a little money at the problem!

xoxo

Cecile said...

Way back in 1993-1995 I drove a POC (Piece of Shite) car. It had a huge oil leak, and I had zero dollars to fix it. I swear that car left me on the side of the road more times than it got me to my destination. I remember one cold Feburary night I was going to the city to pick up a friend of my when all of a sudden my car died on me on the freeway. I managed to coast to the side of the road. I got out, lifted the hood to find my motor was on fire. Flames billowed out of the hood of the car. It was dark, cold and I was a good 10 miles from civilization in any direction on the freaking side of the freeway with no cell phone. Plus, I was alone. I kicked the shit out of the car to ease some of my frustration, and then I started walking back towards home. A state trooper pulled up beside me and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was walking home. He asked me if I realized how unsafe it was for a woman to be walking along a dark freeway at night alone. I explained that I really didn't have much choice if I wanted to get home. He drove me back to my car, we got it started again, and I drove it through the median and started on my treak home. Unfortunately, I didn't make it. I got about two mile from home, but luckily I was able to coast into a gas station and park behind a dumpter. Again, I got out and started kicking the car out of frustration. Two of my friend were getting gas at the station and saw my antics and after the finished lauging their asses off, offered to give me a ride home. I got home and called my dad the next day to tell him what happened. He brought his truck down for me to drive while my car was in the shop getting fixed. (which he was paying for.) Unfortunately, I was heading to school the next morning in my dad's truck when the radiator hose blew. Hot steam started billowing out of the hood of the truck and again I had to pull over on the side of the freeway. It was 5am in the morning, and I was two miles from a gas station. It was spitting snow, and I was dressed in very thin scrubs. I walked to the gas station and tried calling several people to come get me, but had no luck. So I bought a gallon of water, walked back to the truck put the water in the truck and limped to the gas station. I filled the radiator with water from the water hose and bout 5 more gallons of water. I managed to get home and call my dad. I was thinking I was jinxed as far as luck with cars and trucks went. Anyway, we all do stuff like that, don't beat yourself up about it.

Suzanne said...

Cece,

Too funny. Man do we have stories or what!!??

When the BMW was totaled I rented a car at great cost for well over a week. I was driving home from the park and thinking, "Who the hell has their brake on?" I arrived at Target to realize it was me! The guy next to me was getting out of his truck. I said "Should I call Triple A?" He said "No sweetie, you'll be okay, by the time you exit Target the brakes will have cooled." He was right. I'm lucky I wasn't the car a saw yesterday on fire on the side of Hwy 80. Yup, I drove 12 miles with the hand brake on.

XO

Skeeter said...

Real sorry to hear this Leah. It's a tough lesson to learn for sure. I had a really old car once that leaked water like you described your oil leak. I ran out of antifreeze so i thought i could just get by using water till i got around to visiting the store. Sudden cold snap ... proved me wrong. Everybody has a story like yours though. It's just tough to go through it.

Sorry. Best wishes,

Skeeter

ozjane said...

One thing I have learnt looking back (never at the time) is that these things while major at the time are not major in the totality of life and eternity.
I once sold a car that needed $200 spending on it ....because I did not have the $200 so then bought a new one.the mad woman I was renting rooms from said if I could afford a new car I could afford more rent...so found a flat.........all of which must have cost more than the $200. It was the time I discovered I could no longer expect my Daddy to come to my rescue and fix mechanical things up. So was sorta sad.
Then there was the car that had rust in the petrol tank......so rather than put in a new petrol tank I bought a new, or almost new car......and sold that at 57km and the lass I sold it too only sold it last year and I sold it in '96.
This one is going to be my last car unless I find the crock of gold...so it has to just be a good girl which is has been and play nice.
Pray we have better news in further posts.

Peter said...

Leah,

Try not to worry about it, honey - ok, yeah, so maybe you didn't take as good care of it as you should've done, but hey - lesson learnt, eh?
When I had my little car in York, I didn't take care of her enough, but then I sold her - telling the new owner about all her problems - such a good seller, me!

take care!

Peter x

Leah said...

Thanks for all your stories, guys--these comments made me feel better.

xoxo