Monday, August 3, 2009

Distractions


I am, alas, disgustingly adept at procrastination;  I have elevated the formerly humble pursuit of the minor distraction to a high art.  Avoiding my work has become something of an obsession.

Today I was in rare form.  By noon I had accomplished the following:

I stared at my freckles in amazement, for quite awhile.  I have a lot of freckles that I never noticed.  It seemed suddenly important to catalogue them.

I called that long-suffering Sarge long-distance to discuss Victorian costume with him.  He obliged me for a few minutes, and then finally cut me off with a terse "What next, celluloid collars?"

I thought about Sarge in a celluloid collar.

I thought about Snape in a celluloid collar.

I thought that they could both pull it off, but only one would and that one wouldn't be Sarge.

I thought about whether Victorian boots would be too '80s.  And I don't mean 1880s.

I thought about how my fantasies are becoming repetitive and I would need to come up with something new if I wanted to keep my self-respect.

I drank a whole pot of coffee and then had to walk off the jangles.

I argued with my step-dad about the First and Fourth Amendments to the Constitution.

And then, when I thought I had exhausted all other options and had no choice but to begin my work again, I had a crafty brainstorm and crocheted a little stuffed turnip with a face, for my friend's baby.

So, what do you think?  Is he turnip-like?



35 comments:

Brian Miller said...

lol. cute turnip. coffee does that to me too. smiles.

Jimmy Bastard said...

This could be a huge turning point in the battle of the infamous Brooklyn Turnip Wars.

Here's a challenge for you next time you have a relapse of the dreaded 'jangles' or merely a few hours to kill.

Howsabout knitting an effigy of your favourite bloggers using nothing but wool and your remarkable skills?

Megan said...

That is so freaking cute. Hey, you "wasted" your time by using your imagination and your creativity. I just sat on the couch and watched SportsCenter for ninety minutes...

Ronda Laveen said...

I would never have thought to crochet a turnip. Ever! When is procrastination not procrastination? When you are so fast at crocheting that you can waste half a day and still get the project done. That is just filling-the-donut-hole time.

A whole pot of coffee? Yum. I'm with Brian. Give me my beans.

nick said...

This self-indulgent behaviour is no good at all, Leah, I'm coming after you with the whip, you'd better shape up pronto!

I love freckles. Jenny doesn't have any though, disappointing.

Cinnamon said...

I thought I was good at procrastinating, but knitting a turnip???

He is very cute though!

savannah said...

how adorable, sugar! y'all are such a crafty little minx! ;~D xoxox

Abi said...

You made me snort! I also stop halfway through and think 'yikes, I need some new daydream material!' :D

I love the turnip :)

Baino said...

Oh My GOD . .you will make that baby cry! That's one of the funniest things I've seen in a while and I know it's awfully clever but who gives a turnip head to a baby! You're hilarious and I don't use the term lightly.

And I raise you a 'P' for procrastination . . I'm working in a job where I have nothing to do. Spent three hours Googling KPIs to add to job descriptions . .I can't do any fun stuff cos I'm in full view but now I know all about KPI Metrics . .

Libertine said...

This is the cutest fruit of "wasted time" I've ever seen!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

That's so funny! You're living the life I aspire to live one day. Tell me, what's it like? Is it everything I hope it will be? They're not distractions. They're little missions.

kylie said...

oh my goodness, i dont know hwere to start!
so i'll go off on a tangent, completely ignoring all of your points

a young fella at work has been wearing dark red nail polish and it is so incredibly hot! i never expected to say that in a million years but i am and i thought you were the one to say it to :)

Scarlet-Blue said...

I think, with a few colour changes and a bit of bling, that the turnip would make an interesting Christmas bauble.
Sx

just bob said...

I'll comment tomorrow if I get around to it.

Mr. Shife said...

Very turnip-like and very awesome. It sounds like a wonderful way to spend the day. I would enjoy a day like that. And I do think Victorian boots would be too '80s just in case you were looking for some validation from a person who could probably not pick out a pair of Victorian boots even if they were kicking in the butt.

PI said...

A turnip with a quizzical look. Great. And a huge improvement on your roundish squares:)
I'm only jealous. Oh to be able to Knit and fret.

Mike129 said...

I, too, am one to procrastinate. But I am not really a pro -- more of an amateurcrastinate.

So I am clearly behind. What is this Victorian costume stuff? A little fetish of yours? :D

Oh, and the turnip face is cute and funny!

mapstew said...

Nice, though it looks like a swede to me! :¬)

Suzanne said...

Don't even get me started. *Suze rolls eyes in head.* This is like a feakin' gift!!!!! Baby, you're gonna kill me with this sorta crap. It's my birthday. Have you no respect for the elderly? Okay, here we go:

1) I would like a turnip with my hat. I'll pay extra. Honey, what do ya think about a pink hat with a PURPLE flower. I like that idea. I was thinking about it at the park this morning and started to laugh. That's the sign of good color combination!!! Yes, laughter. Okay, so pink and purple, but don't make the purple too deep, okay. It sorta has to be around the same value, but rich enough to POP. Do you know what I mean? *Leah smacks Suze, "Snap out of it woman!!!"* Leah, that was very rude. Okay, how about a lime green flower? But it has to be around the same value...

2) You're friends are funny and so are all ours who are here. Ha!!!

3) I love how some refer to the turnip as "he." Others as "she." Hummmmmmmmmmm.

Love you darling. Hope you're having a good day.

XO

Suzanne said...

Nice use of ground cover.

Leah said...

Brian--ah the jangles. Ain't they grand?

Jimmy--the Turnip Wars have been brutal, but hopefully I've stepped up. I think the Effigy Challenge is hilarious. It would be the final step in my descent into madness--crocheting an amigurumi version of you.

Megan--I really like your nice spin on it, thank you!

Ronda--coffee and donuts, mmmm...

Nick--you are shaping up to be quite an effective Master, aren't you now...

the freckles are legion, but ephemeral. Every summer the sun brings them out, and they disappear with the gloomy shorter days.

Cinnamon--see, I am a brilliant procrastinator!

Savannah--crafting is my second favorite thing in the world to do.

Abi--thanks! As for the new daydream material, dang it's hard. I mean, the heart wants what it wants right?

Baino--Well, I'm just not one to give a nice rattle as a baby gift, LOL. Actually, the baby in question already has a crocheted carrot with a smiley face from me, and seems not to have been too horrified...But you know, depending on how you look at it, one could really see a veggie with a face and eyes as somewhat...menacing...

I will say, there is nothing quite so dreadful as a job where there is nothing to do. It seems like a dream but then it becomes tedium incarnate, right?

Libertine--thank you and your turn of phrase made me laugh!

Leah said...

UB--"they're not distractions, they're little missions" is brilliant. May I take that and run with it?

Kylie--that is hot. And I think you and I are soulmates.

Scarlet--you're right! It does sort of look like a Christmas bauble. Do you think it would be too surreal/reductionist to make faux crocheted ornaments? It's a funny idea.

Bob--I might be here. Then again, I might have more pressing matters like refolding all my towels so the edges match up.

Shife--thanks! It was a good day actually. And about the Victorian boots, you are correct.

Leah said...

Pat--I wish you lived closer and I would force you to learn. I am a very patient teacher. It is the one area in which I proselytize--the Gospel of the Knitting. I preach it far and wide to any and all who will listen.

Mike--hey dude! nice to see you. And if you are really curious about the Victorian fetish, just check out my last few posts...everyone has been very patient and understanding with me through it all.

Map--very punny sir, very punny. ; )

Suzy--I am going to make you a hat, but it is to be a late birthday present! I'm still trying to decide what yarn to use. It would be nice if it were machine washable, so maybe I'll make it in 100% cotton. It won't be as soft as other things though. Which would you rather, soft, or machine washable? that is the question. and p.s. you crack me up.

just bob said...

Edges are important.

MJ said...

Make another and you've got tassels!

bindhiya said...

That is a beautiful Turnip i ever saw!
simple beautiful!
♥ & ((hugs))
bindi

mago said...

A fetish? ARe prisoners made to worship "it" in some Southern institutions? It's not in the bible, at least in the European edition ...

Jimmy Bastard said...

I'm not ashamed to admit that I had to Google the word "amigurumi"
It doesn't come up very often in the world of construction.

*blinks*

Scarlet-Blue said...

If I could make the Christmas baubles, then I would! You could crochet some Christmas puddings, and Snowmen.. and well lots of things... and ordinary sparkly baubles.
Sx

Cece said...

I could have used a pot of coffee this morning. I only got a few hours of sleep last night. We had some pretty stormy weather that kept us up most of the early morning hours.

Mike129 said...

You can see me?!? Well, now I am going to be all self-conscious!

And, yes, I am interested in fetishes of various sorts, but this one is new to me. And scanning your last few blogs didn't help much.

Although you do seem to have a thing for buttons. :)

Leah said...

MJ--Turnip tassels. The thinking woman's accessory.

Bindi--thank you so much! what a nice compliment.

mago--a turnip fetish? Or a celluloid collar fetish?

Jimmy--I realized after I wrote it--of course, why in heck would you know what amigurumi was? But now that you do, use the information well!

Scarlet--you know, I'm thinking of it. Then at least there would be no danger of breakage. Nice for a tree for little ones.

Cece--oh, those storms are rough! I'm up right now at 2:30 and contemplating coffee...

Mike--oh yes, the buttons...

Candie Bracci said...

hihihi!This is so cool!:D

muralimanohar said...

The turnip rocks. Love it.

Victorian boots also rock. But since I rocked them in the 80's, I will be passing on them this time around.

And I'm with you on needing new daydream material. My current story is going on 6 years now, and has been polished and refined so much now, there is nowhere left to go. Maybe I should add some dark red nail polish to the mix. That *does* sound hot.

Leah said...

Murali--thanks! He got crushed though and now he needs a bit of squeezing...

I rocked Victorian boots in the '80s too...perhaps their time is past, alas...

I think dark red nailpolish would be potential cognitive dissonance. The question is, in a good way or a bad?