It's time once again, as it is every hundred posts or so, for me to spread the Hand-knit Sock Love around the world, and so opens my third Sock Contest. If you win, I will knit a pair of socks for you and you will be very very glad to own them.
The rules are a little different this time around, however. The last two contests were simple random drawings. This time, you must work a little for your hand-knits.
THE RULES
1. Please submit, in the comment section below, a title for my doctoral dissertation (which is, in case you're not sure, just a glorified academic paper that gets me a Ph.D if I manage to finish it). Dissertation titles, like most academic journal article titles, should ideally contain the following: a pithy set-up sentence, giving some general information, followed by a colon, followed by a pithy, more specific explanation, relating to the thesis or general topic area.
some examples are
"Graduate Students in Limbo: A Survey of Lackluster Excuses for Non-Completion of Dissertation"
"Holy Knockers: A Comparison of Cup Size in Urban and Rural Housewives"
"Uniform Fetish: The Demographics of Women Who Fantasize about Being Handcuffed, Batoned, and Roundly Kissed"
Some info to get you going on this: I've been working on this piece of shite half-heartedly for several years now, whining and worrying ceaselessly the entire time. My general topic area is rural police departments. The even broader field is Criminal Justice.
Your title doesn't need to follow the above format if it seems too complicated; one sentence will do. The title may reference Criminal Justice, police, my laziness, or all of the above.
Make me laugh if you can.
2. You have until the end of the day, Wednesday, March 11th.
3. Enter as many times as you like!
4. I will choose finalists, and you good folks will vote for your favorite.
5. I will then knit a pair of socks for the winner.
Don't be shy! I really hope to see some entries here!
Barney Fife Police Departments: Why they really put the handcuffs of Aunt Bee
ReplyDeletei must give this some thought...and some drinking will help, too. mimosas for brunch! xooxo
ReplyDeleteAcademia schmacademia: the nuts of the police force.
ReplyDeleteTwo years research: men in uniforms are hot.
Hi, by the way. I would do almost anything for a pair of hand knitted socks. You could probably bribe your way to The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.
Unholiest Housewife in Handcuffs: An Indepth Insight into Lust, Law, Leah, and Lusciousness.
ReplyDeleteSarge's Scintillating Senorita:
A Harrowing Hiatus of a Hot Homicidal Hebrew Harlot.
I'm going for a couple of options here....
ReplyDeleteThe night the lights went out in Georgia: Keeping Law and Order in a Small Town
Protecting Rural Areas: Its more than just barroom brawls
I might be back with more depending on how creative I feel. ;)
Alan Rickman in Chains: The Woman who Turned that Jowly Frown Upside Down
ReplyDeleteooh, I want the socks, I want the socks!!!
ReplyDeleteI"ll have to come up with a good one. Shit. Pressure is never good for me.
I like Hunter's. Damn.
The interrelationship of crime through hobby: A study of murder by knitting needles.
just so you know, I'll probably be thinking up more of these, just to increase my chances. Is that allowed?
ReplyDeleteIn case you're wondering, the structure of academic titles has been termed "titular colonicity" by the American Society for Information Science. Much fun to say! There are quite a few (fake) papers written about it, too. A fun google, if you're really desperate for ways to avoid your dissertation. :) KT (your scarf pal)
ReplyDeleteSex With Jimmy Bastard: The Vagabond Within Me.
ReplyDeleteLOL! damn, i can't compete! xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh my Gd you people are hilarious.
ReplyDeleteYou may certainly enter as many times as you wish.
And actually, Sarah, you came up with a serious contender for the actual dissertation!
I WANT THOSE SOCKS!
ReplyDeleteLOL, LOL, can't compete as LOL!
ReplyDeletewhy blogging beats a doctorate: fetishism & solipsism
ReplyDeletecriminal justice: why blogging is more interesting
ReplyDeleteHow about this?
ReplyDeleteStrain Theory and geriatric Delinquency: The Applicability of a Theoretical Model Across Old Knudsen's poop fetish.
Or this:
ReplyDeleteDimensions of Housewifery: An Empirical Examination of Servant or Master's Characteristics
These colons are a nightmare for an old-school European librarian, you know these people from pre-digital stoneage.
ReplyDeleteTwo years? Pff, daht's nothing ...
Tonight I'm with these:
"Strafjustiz auf dem Lande. Eine soziologische Untersuchung"
"Rural police departments and their heroic fight against crime"
"Protecting sheep. The criminal justice in Rural Police Departements"
"Haystacks and Heroin - the untold story"
"Delinquency on the countryside - we love it! A sociological enquette about criminal justice in certain Rural PDs"
"Canned meat. Volume One: How to come in"
"Canned meat. Volume Two: How to get out (probably alive)"
"Canned meat. Volume Three: The wardens view"
"Throw the Book! Criminal Justice on the Country side: Anspruch und Wirklichkeit"
"Gimme that fucking degree: I am worth it!"
"Bastard-hunting with Jack: The Daniel's family rides again"
By the way, you'd become a doctor iuris or a doctor philosophiae? It's a sociological work, yes? Did you do empirical studies, Feldforschung, or is it based on previous done research? I simply ask about your sources.
I will be thinking but Karen's are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteBoots and zoots: disciplinary actions in the holding cell
ReplyDeleteThe ins and outs of police work: 101 baton uses
Hung jury: examining the members of the court system.
ReplyDeleteHi Leah,
ReplyDeleteI'm from a small, rural town. Not much to the police force thee. There weren't many of 'em. They spent most of their time keeping an eye on "younguns and dogs at large". There were no donut stores in the county, so they would spend their time reading the county's only newspaper, a two sheet affair, that was published once a week. You had to learn to read it real slow.
Best wishes,
Skeeter
LOLoutloud!!!!!
ReplyDeletemago--doctor of philosophy, feldforschung really I suppose, my own interviews and observations...
Skeeter--the rural police officers job has to some extent changed in the last couple of decades, but a lot of the micro-departments are dying out and getting merged.
ReplyDeleteSmall Town Police: Redefining Justice
ReplyDeleteKeep Thee out of Hooterville: Small Town Police Exposed
I don't know. Fun contest :)
The commerce of local law enforcement: How cops, coffee and Krispy Kreme will revive the U.S. economy.
ReplyDelete"Batons and Clubs: Members only. American and Danish forces of Criminal Justice in close comparison"
ReplyDeleteBrooklyn Vice: Vivacious Vixen in Curious Clucking Cockfight.
ReplyDeleteBrooklyn Community Policing: Beating the Brash Brazen Bulvons.
ReplyDeleteJimmy, you TOTALLY ROCK for working your Yiddish into the entry!!!! You are AWESOME!!!!!...Sorry, got a little excited there...
ReplyDeleteSo far I am loving this contest.
Who Shot the Sheriff: Rural Policing is more than just Coffee Shops and Donuts
ReplyDeleteTipping Cows: Be careful where you step when visiting the countryside
Do I get a special entry if I actually name the paper? :)
Rural Police Departments: Deliverance is not just for the movies.
ReplyDeletePodunk Police Departments: We make mirrored sun glasses look good and son...you sure got a purdy mouth.
The 'Hot Fuzz' Principle: is rural policing a law unto itself?
ReplyDelete(you have to have seen the movie!)
Laughing my butt off, Hunter. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteAll of you, you're hilarious.
Cinnamon--I LOVE that movie!!!!!
Haa! I have to hand it to you Leah, my luscious wee bubeleh, this post stimulates the oul grey cells.
ReplyDeleteIt'll not be long before this Kolboynick will be schleping around in Glesga refreshed, renewed, and full of chutzpah.
Reet?
Community Demographics, Cultural Norms, and Resulting Psychological Personae in Law Enforcement Personnel: Why Rural Cops Wear Mirrored Sunglasses.
ReplyDeleteThese are KILLING me. Damn, Leah! What a great contest! I wish I had a brain!
ReplyDeleteP.S. - Does Jimmy have a crush on you or what? :)
ReplyDeletePadraig--you made me laugh--It's like all thesis titles rolled into one!!!! Uber title!!!
ReplyDeleteMegan--well, I certainly have a schoolgirl crush on him, oh, sigh, that handsome strapping Glaswegian --hear that Jimmy Bastard?
I too think I cannot compete, but am sending you an invitation for this friday. And I hope you will pass it on to the others here. I got a funny feeling they would enjoy this, and oh the stories they would post.
ReplyDeleteGHOST ENCOUNTERS OF THE REAL KIND!!
You're invited to please join us in the fun and post a real ghost story this Friday the 13th. Then post the title at Auntie's site at http://intheyearofthedog.blogspot.com/ or Mrsupole's Place at www.mrsupole.com/ to link up with others. We should have a spooky good time. Lets see who can out spook who.
The ghosts are gonna love this and so will you.
Please share this with as many ghost loving fans as you can.
Thank you,
Auntie and Mrsupole
Perspectives in the 21st century: Elevators smell different to midgets
ReplyDeleteRural Law Enforcement: Where "Breathing My Air" is an arrestable offense.
ReplyDeleteShit. No way I'll even bother!!! Everyone's too smart for me. One hell of a comment page. Even if I said "How can I win: Let me count the ways." I know I wouldn't. Honey, can I just buy a pair of socks? Cuz I'll never be able to yank um outta Jimmy paws. That man's too good.
ReplyDeleteGreat post baby. Really.
The Drummer!!!! :)